God has a warped way of giving you what you need. Here’s an example.
Mood music for this post: “Epic” by Faith No More:
God has a warped way of giving you what you need. Case in point: He keeps sending me people to sponsor in my 12-Step recovery program. It’s as if He knows I’ve been walking a tightrope and need other addicts around to keep me in check.
Yesterday during work the BlackBerry went off. It was another guy from Haverhill. He saw my name on an OA list and called. He announced himself as a compulsive overeater and addict, and said he was in his fifth day of abstinence.
He had been around OA before, and had a food plan ready to go. I’d barely known the guy for five minutes and he was rattling off his food plan for the day. I was impressed.
My second sponsee is doing well, too. She’s been abstinent since the day she called me and asked for help on June 21. The first sponsee, who tends to disappear for long periods of time, is at least back to sending me his daily food plan by e-mail. That’s progress.
So here I am, clean from compulsive binge eating since Oct. 1, 2008, 65 pounds lighter but going through a rather dirty period of late where I’ve had to eat meals away from home without the little scale nearby. Yesterday I spent a lot of time in the car, my back in shambles (I’m going to the chiropractor for a fix at 4:30), feeling a bit low about having to borrow money from my father, and for a few milliseconds I contemplated stopping at a drive-through for some junk.
I came to my senses pretty quickly. I have way too much going on these days to fuck it all up with a relapse. But now there’s an added motivation to keep it clean:
If I screw up, I have to let these three people down. I’d have to stop sponsoring and sharing my story at meetings until I reached 90 days of back-to-back abstinence. Then one or all of them could go into tailspins.
So, you see, God has a funny way of doing things. To help me hold my recovery together he sends me people to offer guidance to.
The three sponsees are keeping me in check without even realizing it.
How strange is that?