The Fear of Current Events

Mood music for this post: “Gave Up” by Nine Inch Nails (video recorded in the room where Sharon Tate and Jay Sebring were murdered by the Manson Family):

Digging through the storage boxes the other day, I found old, 20-plus-year-old copies of Time Magazine, Newsweek, Mother Jones and a host of others. There had to be four years of them, well over 200 volumes.

And so I was reminded — again — of all the fear I used to carry around.

As I’ve written before, fear and anxiety were byproducts of my particular brand of OCD, just like my addictions were a byproduct.

The fear meant a lot of things. Working myself into a stupor over the safety of my wife and children. An obsession with cleanliness, which was interesting since depression always meant my personal hygiene took a dive.

It also meant a fear of world events. When that Nostradamus movie “The Man Who Saw Tomorrow” came out on HBO in the early 1980s, I was terrified by the “future” scenes, especially this one:

Later, when Iraq invaded Kuwait, I thought the scene from above was playing out and it left me in a huge depression, one where I stayed in my basement with the lights off.

Similar emotions took hold on Sept. 11, 2001. Of course, those emotions took hold on everyone that day.

Most recently, in 2005, I had a long panic streak over the bird flu in Asia, which was predicted to be the next great pandemic, as deadly as the one in 1918-19.

I would read every magazine and every website tracking all these world events as if my personal safety depended on it. If a hurricane was spinning in the Atlantic, I would watch with deepening worry as it edged closer to the U.S.

When did all this stop? It’s hard to pin an exact date or year on it.

I only know it stopped.

One day the anxiety attacks stopped. Then I started to crave all the experiences I once feared. Not the terror attacks, plane crashes and pandemics, mind you, but the traveling, the public speaking and more intensified writing. One day I started craving those things with the same vigor with which I craved all the junk I polluted myself with.

Therapy — years of it — and Prozac definitely played a role. So did my deepening Faith.

Whatever it was, I’m glad it happened.


16 thoughts on “The Fear of Current Events

  1. Pingback: A H5N1 Case Study In Fear | THE OCD DIARIES

  2. Pingback: Judith Miller: The Liar’s Journalist | THE OCD DIARIES

  3. Pingback: 41 Years | THE OCD DIARIES

  4. Pingback: U.S. Loses, AAA Credit Rating. Mental Health Tested Next | THE OCD DIARIES

  5. Pingback: Debt Ceiling Debate Would’ve Killed Me A Few Years Ago | THE OCD DIARIES

  6. Pingback: Who Raptured My #!&% Tire? « THE OCD DIARIES

  7. Pingback: TV News and Depression: How I Learned To Turn It Off « THE OCD DIARIES

  8. Pingback: Mister Rogers’ Mother Was Right « THE OCD DIARIES

  9. Pingback: Living in the Precious Present (If You Can Find It) « THE OCD DIARIES

  10. Pingback: 1984 (And Other Bad Years) « THE OCD DIARIES

  11. Pingback: From Confusion to Wisdom « THE OCD DIARIES

  12. Pingback: Summer of 1990 | THE OCD DIARIES

  13. Pingback: 40: The New 20 | THE OCD DIARIES

  14. Pingback: The Smoking Room | THE OCD DIARIES

  15. Pingback: Riding The Blue Pill | THE OCD DIARIES

  16. Pingback: Pills Can’t Kill Pain at the Source « THE OCD DIARIES

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s