Pouring Gas on the Fire

People in recovery often go into hyper mode, making up for time wasted in the grip of addiction. Mix in some OCD and here’s what happens…

Mood music for this post: “Gasoline” by Audioslave:

I was talking to a dear friend this morning about the radio show I was pushing in my last post, SixxSense, and how the show’s host, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx, has been a hurricane of activity since he became sober. I noted how he has a clothing line, two bands (Motley and Sixx A.M.) and a best-selling book to his credit. Oh yeah, there’s also his charity for runaways.

“Sounds a lot like your life,” the friend said. Not that what I’m doing is anywhere near as huge as what the Sixx machine has going on. But, the point was, I have a lot of irons in the fire. All the time.

Someone else asked me recently how I can write something new in this blog every day and still maintain the fast pace of writing and reporting on the security side, not to mention all the family responsibilities. And the book I’m starting to write. And the active participation in my church and 12-Step Program.


The answer is simple, and pretty much the same as it is for a lot of people who have found recovery. I’m making up for lost time; years I wasted in the haze of depression and binge eating.

But the extra drive is also fueled by an energy people like us discover once the haze lifts. Things that used to inspire dread and cause exhaustion become much, much easier to do. And so you want to do more. It’s almost a new addiction in itself.

But for me there’s a twist: My addictive behavior was a byproduct of OCD out of control. Now that I seem to have the upper hand over addiction, the OCD itself has changed in some ways.

One reason for that is all the therapy and finally the medication it took to get my head screwed on right. The OCD moments went from being triggered by fear and anxiety to other, more welcome things: Mainly a renewed interest in all the life I had run away from in the past.

The work doesn’t feel like work. I’m lucky to be doing things I love. So I try to do more. The different outlook toward work, in turn, makes it easier for me to show up for my wife, kids, church and more.

Some of this may sound confusing and even a little jarring. It is.

But this is still a fairly new experience for me, and I haven’t found all the boundaries yet. When I do, there will no doubt be some growing pains. But that’s as it should be.

I trust my family and friends to confront me when I’ve gone too far and damaged my health or relationships.

Above all, I trust God to guide me along the right path.


Let it burn.


7 thoughts on “Pouring Gas on the Fire

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