Mood music for this post: “Shine” by the Henry Rollins Band:
Back when I lived a life of fear and anxiety, the only thing worth doing was lying on the couch, eyes vacant and clicker in hand. What a waste.
This morning I have a lot of cool things in motion that definitely would not be happening if I was still in hiding, alone with a brain spinning out of control about bad things that might happen.
–Book Project: At the RSA security conference earlier this month, editors for a security publisher approached me about writing a book. The book proposal is filed and I’m waiting to hear back. But regardless, it was nice to be asked and whatever happens, I’ve gone ahead and started writing the book — about how the information security culture has changed for the good guys and bad guys in the last decade and how/why it happened.
–Family Road Trip: Once upon a time, the thought of driving my family 10 hours South would be enough to send me into a brain spasm. I’d worry about all kinds of things beyond my control. Times have changed. I’m now planning a family road trip sometime in the next three months to Washington D.C., where I plan to show them all the monuments to the giants, the museums and the White House, where a private tour of the West Wing is in the works (I know a few people who work there ;-))
–Speaking engagements: Given that my fear included the prospect of getting up in front of people and making an ass of myself, it’s almost weird to think that I’m doing an increasing number of public speaking events. This coming week, I’ll be giving a keynote talk on social networking security threats at an MIT event. In the last year I’ve given four such talks. I’m also sharing my story of addiction and recovery at an OA meeting this week.
–Work projects: Without getting into detail, because nothing’s a done deal, I’m pursuing a couple projects at work that will probably result in more work and pressure for me. Once upon a time, I would have run from it, even when I was obsessed with pleasing everybody. Now I am running toward it. It’s something I WANT. Being pushy about it is not a problem for me. Good thing I work for tolerant people.
–Helping new converts: I’ve been helping out with this year’s group of folks in the RCIA program. I’m helping out at the weekly Tuesday-night meetings, told my conversion story, and I’ll be doing a reading at the Easter Vigil as I’ve done each year since my own conversion. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have done it because it would have felt like too much work, a waste of a night I could be spending in front of the TV or hiding under the bedsheets. Now I can’t imagine NOT doing this. It energizes my mind, body and soul.
I may not pull off all the things I mentioned above, but it doesn’t matter. For me, the joy is in having several things in motion at once. It’s an OCD trait for sure, but one of the good traits to have.
I’m Blessed far beyond what I probably deserve.
And so I’m going ahead full-throttle, regardless of the potential failures ahead.