Selfish Bastard

The author has found that service is an excellent tool for OCD management. Simply put, it forces him to stop being a selfish bastard.

In OA, those of us in recovery from our compulsive eating disorders rely on a set of tools that go hand in hand with the 12 Steps. There’s the plan of eating, writing, sponsorship, the telephone and literature. There’s anonymity. And there’s service to others.

The plan of eating is what’s most necessary for me, but I think my favorite tool is service.

I’ve been doing a lot of service of late. Last month and then this morning, I qualified at an OA meeting, which means I led the meeting and, as part of that, stood in front of people and shared the story of what I used to be like, what happened to make me seek help for my addiction, and what I’m like now.

Tonight, I’ll take the kids to a dinner in the basement of our church to celebrate the start of Catholic Schools Week, where I’ll help with the cleanup afterward.

I thrive on these things for one simple reason: It forces me to step out of that selfish little world where addicts live.

Here’s a fact about addicts: We are among the most selfish people on the planet. Or, as Nikki Sixx says in the final track on Sixx A.M.’s soundtrack for The Heroin Diaries: “You know addicts. It’s all about us, right?” That selfishness usually leads us to do stupid things that make us feel shame. In the midst of that shame, we lie.

That sort of behavior can overwhelm us, no matter how much we want to be better people. That’s why the tools of recovery are so important. They force us out of the hole. In the process, the people around us play an active role.

When I do service, the people I may be trying to help are helping me as well. If it’s through OA, everyone is supporting each other. It’s the same at church, be it through school activities or actively participating in Mass. That’s why I do lectoring. Actively participating in Mass helps me to pay attention to what’s going on instead of sitting there locked inside my head.

The battle with selfishness is an ongoing, brutal thing. But through service, I’m getting a little better each day — bit by bit.

I hope.


21 thoughts on “Selfish Bastard

  1. Pingback: Talk To ‘Em Before They Die (A Tribute to “Silent Segal”) | THE OCD DIARIES

  2. Pingback: #LulzSec Lesson: Narcissism Will Get You Every Time | THE OCD DIARIES

  3. Pingback: Gave Up Giving Up For Lent | THE OCD DIARIES

  4. Pingback: Another Brick In The Wall | THE OCD DIARIES

  5. Pingback: Lesson Of The Debt Debate: We’re All Selfish Bastards | THE OCD DIARIES

  6. Pingback: I’m a Narcissist (And So Are You) | THE OCD DIARIES

  7. Pingback: Not What God Wants Me To Be, But Not The Person I was | THE OCD DIARIES

  8. Pingback: Talk To ‘Em Before They Die (A Tribute to “Silent Segal”) « THE OCD DIARIES

  9. Pingback: The Catholic In The Room « THE OCD DIARIES

  10. Pingback: Narcissism Inc. « THE OCD DIARIES

  11. Pingback: Me and My Wall | THE OCD DIARIES

  12. Pingback: The Clarence Syndrome | THE OCD DIARIES

  13. Pingback: In God’s Hands: My Search for Redemption | THE OCD DIARIES

  14. Pingback: Anatomy of a Near-Binge | THE OCD DIARIES

  15. Pingback: You Can Learn a Lot from a Dummy | THE OCD DIARIES

  16. Pingback: A Back-Breaking Attitude Adjustment | THE OCD DIARIES

  17. Pingback: Summertime Blues is a Punk | THE OCD DIARIES

  18. Pingback: Forgiveness is a Bitch « THE OCD DIARIES

  19. Pingback: Running from Sin, Running with Scissors « THE OCD DIARIES

  20. Pingback: Outing Myself « THE OCD DIARIES

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s